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I saw others get attention while I was ignored or rejected. I crushed on guys who were “out of my league.” I watched my “more attractive” friends meet or date guys who ignored me. When I was a younger man entering the gay scene, I quickly discovered that where I ranked and where I wanted to rank were two different places. This form of homophobia is intimately tied to misogyny, a dislike of women.
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This means that the “ideal man” is represented in an image that replicates the standard construct of the straight man: athletic and muscular, but more importantly, not “feminine.” Typically, in gay culture, effeminate behaviour is a characteristic that ranks at the bottom of the attractiveness hierarchy. This idealized masculine body is not only unachievable for many of us-it is also anchored in heteropatriarchy.
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This ideal body is not just a physical type-it is also a manifestation of the abstract “masculinity.” Think: Abercrombie model, action movie superhero, pop star, athlete. The young, lean, muscular, smooth, white, cisgender (non-trans) male body is over-represented in media and accepted as the most attractive. As gay men, we tend to measure ourselves, those we desire and those who desire us against certain ideals of attractiveness. Our experiences with other gay men depend on where we rank in the hierarchy. I believe that in the gay community there is an unspoken hierarchy of attractiveness. I am finally at a better place with my body, as a proud, out, gay man in my late thirties, but it has taken a lot of time, effort and experience to get here. I have struggled with my body my entire life-mostly because I’ve been unhappy with it. Frank Colosimo Visions Journal, 2016, 12 (1), p.